May be time to find some new friends
Dear Annie: “Susie” and I are long-term friends. We’ve known each other for 40 years. My husband and I moved to another state a few years ago, and Susie subsequently followed me. I introduced Susie and her husband to another friend of mine, “Linda,” and Linda’s husband. We enjoyed many good times together, the six of us.
As time went on, Susie’s husband and Linda’s husband became the best of friends, pushing my husband out and excluding him altogether. I decided I no longer wanted to associate with Linda’s husband. Linda, in turn, got angry and unfriended me on social media and in real life. Now, Susie — a friend of 40 years — has resumed her friendship with Linda, and I feel she is disloyal to me and does not value my friendship as she knows this hurts me. What say you? — Pushed Out
Dear Pushed Out: Friendship is not about owning or owing one another. The fact that Linda’s and Susie’s husbands get along well doesn’t mean they’re excluding your husband. It just means they get along well. Why begrudge them that?
Instead, I encourage you and your husband to get out and meet new people: Join a community league; pick up a new sport or hobby — anything that offers a social aspect. The more people you meet and the larger your circle becomes, the smaller the current drama will look. There are as many fish in the sea of friendship as in the sea of love.
Dear Annie: You’ve had many people write to you with questions about whether to tell a child his or her biological parentage. As a child, I always felt different, and I underwent great distress when I discovered, at age 54, that the man I called father — and for whom I served as caregiver for seven years — was not my biological father. My half-brother and half-sister didn’t tell me because, in their words, “We were afraid you wouldn’t look after him!” My loss of identity severely affected me. A child needs to know the truth. Hiding the truth will cause havoc. — Maggie T.
Dear Maggie T: Of all the reasons I’ve heard for not disclosing biological parentage, your half-siblings’ reason is selfish and horrible I’m sorry you went through that.