What to do when your ex moves into same town
Dear Annie: “Lindsay” and I dated for 2 1/2 years. Our breakup wasn’t the worst, but it wasn’t a walk in the park, either. I had just packed up my life and moved across the country with her to relocate for her job, and a week after we got there, she dumped me. I was blindsided. It took a while to pick myself back up, but eventually I did, and I can look back and honestly say I’m glad we broke up. I’ve made a lot of progress that I don’t think I would have been motivated to do otherwise. Our breakup allowed me to move to a city that is better for my career.
Fast-forward to today, three years later. Lindsay and her husband (she’s married now) recently relocated to my city. (Her husband works in a field that’s similar to mine.) She’s reached out a few times, asking whether I’d like to come over for dinner with the two of them. I’ve been putting it off, basically just saying, “Maybe soon!” The other day, she texted me that they’re having trouble making friends here. I wasn’t sure what to say back, so I just said to give it time, that it took me a few months to make any friends here, too. I think they were hoping I would introduce them to people.
Annie, I wish her and her husband the best, but I just can’t bring myself to want to spend time with them or to introduce them to my friends. It’s not out of spite or jealousy or anything. I’m seeing a woman I’m crazy about. I have a great group of friends out here. I’m genuinely happy with where I am in life. A buddy of mine suggested I should stop holding on to the past and just treat Lindsay as I would any friend. I definitely feel I’ve forgiven Lindsay in my heart — but do I really have to be friends with her? — Want to Do the Right Thing
Dear Want to Do the Right Thing: You’re not obligated to be the social coordinator for Lindsay and her husband just because they’re new to the city. They are adults and can figure it out. You did. Keep things cordial, as you have been, and go on with your life. You can forgive and forget, but it doesn’t mean you have to be friends.
Dear Annie: We embraced with enthusiasm your printed suggestion from a reader to deploy glass jars with water in them to ward off our dogs’ habit of peeing in places where we would prefer they do not. Now every morning, we are greeted with a small puddle in the concave bottom of each inverted jar. It appears my Boston terriers now believe we have provided them with a target for their business. Epic fail. — Joe and Laurie in Greensboro
Dear Joe and Laurie: I was curious to hear how that reader’s suggestion worked out. I’m sorry to hear it didn’t. Better clean up that failed experiment and ditch the jars before your terriers become accustomed to them.
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