There is a story complete with pictures circulating on the Internet. A bowling alley, purportedly in Clearwater, Fla., opened last year. The establishment claims to have more than 900 perfect games rolled in the past 12 months. In addition, it claims to have the highest averages of any house in the nation, with a Senior League "averaging" 237.
Now perhaps the scores are a little bit hard to believe. Actually they are impossible to even comprehend, but it's the pictures of the lanes that make people chuckle. The cowling above the lanes shows a picture of President Obama with the bowling pins appearing to be teeth.
One lane shows the President with a full set of choppers, while another alley suggests that a set of dentures have been retired for the evening. The other pictures show splits that would remind any bowler of their favorite hockey player.
Now even if this bowling alley does not exist, it does give one pause to the possibilities that do exist if this could actually be done. Who wouldn't want to fulfill that dream of "knocking your teeth down your throat" of someone who caused you to utter those words, even if it was said under your breath?
If a bowling establishment could put up a picture of a person with a mouthful of bowling pins, who would you want to take a shot at? The possibilities are endless. A Cleveland sports fan might just want to pop Michael Jordan, John Elway or a host of other athletes that have broken our hearts over the years. Speaking of breaking Cleveland's heart, do you think having LeBron as the target would bring some bowlers to the lanes?
One could go back in time and have some fun taking down an Al Capone for example. How about having the chance to KO Muhammed Ali or George Foreman? It would be lot safer than climbing into the ring with them! Have a "not so" favorite sports announcer? How about an actor or actress that you do not care for? For some reason, the chance to make Smiling Bob of TV commercials grin with a few less pearly whites is appealing.
For sure, if you leave a split such as Grandma's Teeth, you are more likely to smile about it as opposed to mumbling a few expletives as you return from the approach. As long as it's not your own "grammy" staring at you that is.
Wouldn't it be neat to be able to take a photo of your own choosing to the bowling alley and have it put above the pins? If you could take your own picture in to the lanes, who would you choose? Have a teacher that gave you a bad grade once? Do you remember the policeman who gave you a ticket just because you were in a hurry to get to the bowling alley? Of course the real culprit in both those cases would be the student driver (get it?), but we just feel better when we can blame someone else. Having a chance to "get even" seems justified.
Again the possibilities are infinite. Ever have a problem with your boss? Do you have a grumpy neighbor? How about the guy that cut you off in traffic? Or an ex - ex-oyfriend, ex-girlfriend, ex-spouse. Dump me, will ya? Well, take that!
I know the perfect person for this job. The next time you go to the dentist, take along a camera and snap his picture. What better person to have up there than your dentist. He is always drilling on your bowling pins or extracting one from your mouth. It's revenge time.
Of course I would never do that to my dentist. My dentist is a gentle, kind man and I'm not just saying that because I have an appointment next month. Nor am I saying that because he has a tray of sharp instruments that he can stick in my mouth. Oh, what the heck, why not just take a picture of me and stick it above those pins? I have already alienated enough people that I might as well be the one having a bowling ball thrown at my chops.
If I show up for my appointment next month and my dentist has a camera
Rich Yates Jr. knocked out a few teeth this week as his 697 series led the Sportsman League. Chris Johnson shot 688, Mike Ditslear 629, Paul Gosche 615, Ken Butturff Jr. 586 and Mike Kimmet 584. In the Sunday Night Rock N Roll League Mark Phillips had 650, Gary Golden 635, Tom Tiell 627, Jerry Meyer 621, Greg Kiser 617, Dave Amos 609, Bob Steele 607, Dirk Nimocks 603 and Dottie Funk 483.
Action at the K of C Lanes saw Deb Hoerig shoot 451, Julie Fortner 436, Carol Burmeister 433, Lela Gaietto 404 and Theresa Carp 400 in the Lady Knights League. In the Tuesday Night League Aaron Sherman rolled a 637, Chris Johnson 611, Jerry Collins 602, Jim Lord 594, Steve Steinmez, Jr. 563, Steve Depinet 548 and Jim Rainey 544. Jim Ruess had 611, Dan Coppes 544, John Ferstler 502, Bob Reinhart 494 and Paul Gosche 490 in the 55 Plus League.
John Funk paced the Rocket League with 647. Mike Distel shot 621, Rich Sigler 581, Tim Sturgill 568, Ryan Coppus 568, Dottie Funk 481 and Virginia Vanover 473. In the Grange League Kerry Wertz Sr. had 609, Kevin Reynolds 603, Jere Morlock 554, Dan Depinet 480 and Kelly Cook 478. For the ladies Carol Elchert shot 452, Joyce Babcock 409, Ashley Gibson 407, Marty Factor 394 and Jen Schindler 390.
In the Twilight League Eric Smith shot 649, Steve Barnes 635, Tom Tiell 616, Rhonda Fitch 528, Kelly Faust 443 and Robin Brownell 416. Scores from the Wednesday Morning League included Mark Huffman 681, Paul Landers 627, Ben Williams 622, Dave Jumper 605 and Tyson Shope 576. Steve Steinmetz Jr. had 690, Brian Jakupca 585, Jeff Peer 550, Rhonda Fitch 502, Linda Brookes 490 and Deb Nominee 467 in the Imperial-Majorette League.
Al Stephenson is The A-T's bowling columnist.
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