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An Odd Way to Analyze the NFL Draft

May 1, 2011 - Al Stephenson
The 2011 NFL Draft has been completed and it has been analyzed over and over again by people much smarter about the game of football than I. So instead of telling you which draftees will play immediately or who will become a big bust, I thought I'd look at things from a slightly more humorous perspective. Since you really never know who will make it big or who will leave you scratching your head, it seems appropriate to just have some fun with the choices.

I found it interesting that the Cleveland Browns picked two players from the University of Pittsburgh - defensive end Jabaal Sheard and offensive tackle Jason Pinkston - while the Pittsburgh Steelers used their first round selection on Ohio State's Cameron Heyward. Ironhead's boy will be part of the Terrible Towel contingent, while the other two guys will be donning brown and orange. Loyalties do change sometimes.

Carolina opened the draft by taking Cam Newton, the Heisman Trophy winning quarterback from Auburn. Heisman winners do not always fare will in the pros. Maybe Newton is the real deal. The draft ended with Houston taking Cheta Ozougwu a linebacker from Rice. Haven't heard of him, you say. Well he likely isn't the only one, but the names of these guys can be quite amusing.

There were a number of the proverbial Smiths and Joneses making the cut. There were 9 Smiths including Aldon, Tyron, Jerry Torrey, Johnny, Lee, Chris, D.J., and Malcolm. Julio Jones was joined by Taiwan (seriously), Greg and Colin. Colors were well represented with Vincent Brown, Curtis Brown, Alex Green, Virgil Green, Markus White, Ahmad Black, Jalil Brown and A.J. Green all hearing their names announced.

You have to love some names including DeMarcus Love, Maurice Hurt and Prince Amukarmara. Jake Locker will have one with his name on it in Tennessee. The Vikings look to replace Bret Favre with a thought provoking, religion inspired choice of Christian Ponder. One team took a chance on a dead President by picking Andrew Jackson, and I would presume that you all have heard of Lazarius Levingston.

Players were selected with the following first names: Jacquian, Jaiquawn, Jacquizz and simply Jah. Shiloh and Shareece made the list as did Mt. Union wideout Cecil Shorts. If he makes as much of an impact as Pierre Garcon, Mt. Union will soon be known across the nation not just around here.

By the end of the draft, teams seemed to be reaching for nearly anyone. How else do you explain the picks of Lawrence Guy at 233, Mike Person at 239 and Buffalo's choice of Michael Jasper at 245. Jasper is from Bethel University. In case you were wondering, Bethel is located in McKenzie, Tennessee and Mr. Jasper is a defensive tackle that is listed at 6'4" and 390 pounds. Yikes. Running through him would seem impossible and trying to run around him might take forever.

The view from my seat suggests that some of these "names" will become NFL stars and some may never make it to a roster. Time will tell.

Now if only we can see some NFL action this fall. Get it together folks. Figure out a way to split up the millions of dollars fans give you and let's play ball!


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